


Visions

by dvisyhead



Category: Phan, Phandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, M/M, Oneshot, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-12 10:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2106111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dvisyhead/pseuds/dvisyhead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roses are for dates, not graves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Visions

**Author's Note:**

> Do not read if you're sensitive to the thought of death. That is the only warning I can really think of, except for a lot of sad. It's also suppose to be repetitive.

Phil was always a bubbly person, always able to bring a smile to the faces of everyone he seemed to meet. And Dan, being best friends with Phil and all, also knew there was a stubborn side to the boy as well. It wasn't always a bad thing, though.

When Dan and Phil had first met up in Manchester, Phil had urged that they go to the nearest Starbucks so he could show Dan his favorite drink, iced caramel macchiato. And it proved to be amazing, and when Dan admitted it he saw a small smile creep onto Phil's face.

When Dan was struggling through university and seemed to be having existential crises every day, Phil convinced him to drop out of college if it made him unhappy. And it got Dan thinking about why he even wanted to be a lawyer in the first place. He hated law school, and he didn't want to be stuck in a job he hated. So he took Phil's advice, and left uni to pursue youtube full time. It made Dan happy, as well as Phil.

When Phil and Dan had decided to live together, Phil insisted they move to London. They both needed to get out of the small town slump they both had lived in their whole lives. Dan was scared at first, worrying over prices of apartments and how they would manage in such a big city all alone with no family or friends nearby. But Phil just knew it would work, and he reassure Dan it would just all be fine in the end. And Dan took a leap of faith with Phil and they got a flat in London.

When Dan and Phil got the opportunity to get their own radio show on BBC Radio 1, there was almost no thought about it. Phil instantly knew he wanted the job, and it only took a little bit of convincing to get Dan to agree. They were about to have dream jobs. First as youtubers, soon to be radio personalities. It was a dream come true.

When Phil had asked Dan out on their first date, Phil insisted that there would be flowers and candles. He wanted it to be like a cheesy romance movie, and really Dan couldn't object. It was kind of romantic for Phil to go to such length just to have the "perfect date" together, and it felt like a dream come true. Like, everything was going right in their life.

When Phil proposed three years later, Dan was scared. He wasn't sure about it, he was sure he wanted to spend his life with his best friend, but he was scared that the fans would judge them or they would get a lot of backlash from their subscribers or friends or even family. But Phil had reassured him, vowing that everything would be fine and they would be able to spend their life together happily.

Once wedding planning came into view, Phil wanted everything perfect. He wanted it to be small, but extravagant. He wanted it to be cozy with just a few friends and family, but at the same time wanted it to all look nice. The church they picked out had perfect off-white walls, almost like the color of champagne, and then lovely dark brown wood pews filling up the room. The floor was covered in a lovely shade of prussian blue, and the windows were all stained glass with lovely pictures, and it was just perfect.

Knowing Phil's tendencies of getting his way, just a month before the wedding when Dan had suggested they go out to get some chinese takeaway together, Phil wanted to go get it himself. It didn't matter how much Dan whined that he would get it, Phil wanted to and nothing was going to change his mind. Anyway, Dan was busy working out adoption papers. Dan had been stressing about them all day, and Phil just wanted them done and out of the way so they could relax that night and maybe just lay on the couch together, cuddle, and watch a movie. So he wanted nothing more than to go out and get the food and let Dan have some peace and quiet to finish the paperwork.

For some reason, which Dan still couldn't understand, Phil didn't insist to return that night. When Dan turned on the television while he waiting for Phil to return, he aimlessly flipped through some channels before landing on a local news station. A bus had crashed in downtown London, and Dan swear he could feel his heart stop beating then and there. They didn't have a car, they both took busses for transportation around the city. It couldn't be Phil's bus that crashed, it just couldn't be. Phil wouldn't leave Dan just like that, he was a persistent bugger. Even if he was hurt in the crash, he wouldn't give up. He would fight to be fine for Dan. He would, Dan knew it. There wasn't a doubt in his mind.

Now it was Dan who started to insist things. For example, when the police showed up at his doorstep with Phil's belongings, in his mind he couldn't bring himself to believe it was real.  Phil wasn't gone, it just couldn't be happening. This stuff just doesn't happen to them, they were suppose to have the dream life together as a happy married couple and grow old and adopt some kids who would look after them when they got too old to take care of themselves, which Dan still had hoped would never happen and it worried him every time he thought about getting old in general.

When fans started to tweet at Dan, asking where was Phil and why he wasn't uploading or tweeting things lately, Dan insisted that he was just sick and wasn't feeling up to making videos for youtube at the moment. It was all just lies, and Dan wished he could just be innocent and believe the lies he was telling the fans in his own mind.

When the funeral rolled around, Dan demanded that it would be very quiet and small, only very selected friends and family would be able to attend. He just wasn't ready for the fans to find out, he had managed to keep it out of the news and papers for now, but he was still worried it would get out. He just wanted to make the announcement himself, when he was ready. And he really wasn't. He wasn't ready to deal with a life without Phil. The future looked so bright and full of promises once, but now it just seemed to be a long dark tunnel, just bleak and empty. Around this time, Dan was suppose to be writing vows, not a eulogy.

It was now a year later. 365 days after the crash, and Dan had mustered up the courage and convinced himself he needed to visit the grave, he needed some closure.

Dan was stood up upon a small hill, surrounded by graves every which way but he was only focused on the one right in front of him. A small slab of granite stared back at Dan, bland and plain which didn't suit Phil at all. Phil was colorful, and radiant. It just wasn't right.

The gravestone read in a plain font:

_Philip Michael Lester_   
_1987-2014_   
_Best Friend,_   
_Lover,_   
_But More Importantly,_   
_Sunshine._

Dan felt himself smile a little. Maybe the cold stone didn't fit Phil, but the description sure did. Phil was the best example for sunshine Dan had ever met in his life. Phil always managed to brighten up people's day everywhere he went, it was amazing. The would just wasn't the same without his glow.

Dan snapped out of his thoughts and remembered why he was there. He also remembered the small bouquet of flowers he held in his left hand. It was a bouquet of beautiful white roses, which Dan remembered were the same roses Phil had given to Dan on their first date. It was very romantic, and he had to admit, Dan loved that they were different than the generic red roses.

Leaves had seemed to clutter the front of Phil's grave, so Dan brushed them away from around the gravestone before kneeling down next to the grave. He gently rested the bunch of roses down in front of the stone and felt a burning start to come from behind his eyes, his body threatening to spill his tears. And for the first time since the accident, Dan let them fall. He needed to mourn. He needed closure.

"Roses are for dates, not for graves." Dan whispered softly, before standing up and gently wiping his face from his tears. He then slowly turned his back to the grave, forcing himself to walk away and not dwell on the past anymore. It was time to move forward. Phil would have wanted that.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this!!! Six word prompts have been going around on tumblr, and I saw the two, one saying "writing an eulogy instead of vows" and one saying "roses are for dates, not graves." I felt the need to incorporate them both. I hope you liked it, it would mean a lot for you guys to leave kudos and comments so I know you did. It means a lot. :)


End file.
